Chapter 87: One’s Heart Laid Bare

Neither Tantai Qinyue nor Tantai Yue had expected Tantai Yi to speak those words. Their eyes involuntarily fell on Song Pu behind them, their expressions tinged with a curiosity they did not even realise they possessed.

Song Pu noticed their inquisitive looks and, not wanting to speak to Tantai Yi in front of them, said quietly, “Your Majesty, let’s discuss this back at home.”

Tantai Yi tugged on the reins, bringing his horse to a steady stop in front of him. “Will Minister Song speak to me back home?”

Song Pu gave a low “Mmm.”

Tantai Yi said nothing.

In truth, he was the one who should feel aggrieved. He believed he had done nothing wrong, and to bow his head now felt shameful. Yet if he left like this, he would have to endure the same frustrations as before. Compared to stubbornness, he was far less capable than Minister Song. It was better to resolve the matter now than to delay.

He suppressed his irritation and resentment, sitting quietly on his horse like a patient bird.

Back at the camp, Tantai Yi punished Tantai Yue and Tantai Qinyue with thirty lashes each. The Prince of Yong’an and the Prince of Huainan, aware of the situation, said nothing and even added thirty lashes themselves, stripping the two princes bare and overseeing the punishment.

Afterwards, Tantai Yi summoned Song Pu to his tent. At first, the two were silent. After a moment, Tantai Yi spoke. “Lord Song, do you have something to say to me?”

His tone was still gentle, and Song Pu softened. “Yes.”

Tantai Yi said, “Speak freely, Lord Song. I will not be angry.”

He already sensed that Song Pu’s words might anger him. These words were not only meant for Song Pu, but also for himself.

Song Pu said, “Your Majesty, I should not have raised my voice.”

Tantai Yi was slightly surprised that his first words were this and remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

Song Pu continued, “Your Majesty will surely think I am soft-hearted, that in such circumstances I still wished for Your Majesty to show mercy. But Your Majesty, I have many thoughts different from yours, and I dare not speak them for fear of Your Majesty’s ridicule. Do you understand this feeling?”

Tantai Yi said, “…I do not understand. What is it that Lord Song wants to say?”

Song Pu lowered his head and sighed. “I dare not speak. If I did, Your Majesty would surely become angry, would you not?”

Tantai Yi’s golden eyes narrowed slightly. “Has Lord Song angered me so little that this frightens him? What is it exactly that Lord Song wants to say? Speak boldly. I… I may not be angry.”

Song Pu softened further. “If I point out Your Majesty’s faults, will Your Majesty still like me? Do you only like me for the flattering words I speak, and that is why Your Majesty loves me, or do you love me as a person?”

Tantai Yi hesitated, gazing into Song Pu’s clear, bright eyes. “What does Lord Song wish to say? I love Lord Song, naturally I love Lord Song as a person.”

He paused, then continued, “Of course, I was first drawn to Lord Song because of your eloquence, but it is not only that. I have grown accustomed to having Lord Song by my side.”

The moment felt right for such words, and Tantai Yi relaxed. His arrogance and pride seemed less defined. “Lord Song, I said I wished to make you Empress. Does that not say something? Why does Lord Song think I only like your words?”

Song Pu asked, “Does Your Majesty truly think so?”

Tantai Yi was slightly annoyed. “Why does Lord Song question me repeatedly? Do you not believe what I say?”

Song Pu replied softly, “Even if Your Majesty said you wished to make me Empress, I would not dare to take it seriously or hope for it. It is not that I do not believe Your Majesty, but the matter of establishing an Empress concerns the foundation of the realm, and I dare not trust it. But if Your Majesty desires it, I can only comply. What I wish to speak of now is not this. Your Majesty, you are Emperor, and I am a subject. I must rely on Your Majesty’s favour, and I must always speak with care. I cannot speak presumptuously. Yet Your Majesty may act as you please. You may wound my heart and anger me, and I must remind myself that Your Majesty is ruler and I am subject. Whatever Your Majesty says is right. I may not voice any complaint, for to do so would be defiance. Your Majesty, can you imagine that I could feel joy in this position?”

Tantai Yi still felt wronged. “When have I ever hurt your heart?”

Song Pu said, “Your Majesty has belittled me. Do you not remember? Saying I am small, saying I am plain. Have you forgotten all of that?”

Tantai Yi choked. “Was I not speaking the truth?”

Song Pu quietly studied him, lips pressed together.

Tantai Yi remained silent.

They looked at each other for a while. Tantai Yi finally broke the silence. “I was wrong! I will not speak such words again. Is that satisfactory, Lord Song?”

Song Pu did not expect him to say that so easily. He was slightly taken aback, unsure how to continue.

Tantai Yi said, “I understand now. Minister Song, are you going to list all my faults? I did not realise I had done so much wrong.”

His tone still held some displeasure, and Song Pu’s initial surge of emotion faded. “I am not listing Your Majesty’s faults. I merely feel that Your Majesty has never truly respected me. Do you genuinely care for me? Do you truly love me? I have never felt it. Your Majesty, touch your own heart. Do you truly wish to spend your life with me, or am I merely a plaything?”

Tantai Yi’s chest heaved violently. “I have made myself clear. Why do you still ask, Lord Song? Even if you ask ten thousand times, I will say it again. I take you as my Empress!”

“Doesn’t Lord Song understand? There is only one Empress, my wife. I will love only the Empress. I have only you, and I will not seek another. I do not want other concubines, nor the gentlest, most obedient woman. I want none of them! Even so, does Lord Song not understand?”

Hearing this, Song Pu felt a strange warmth rise in his chest, filling his heart. He opened his mouth, only to find his voice hoarse. “Then Your Majesty… truly intends for me to spend my life with you?”

Tantai Yi’s golden eyes blazed like the sun with emotion. He stared at Song Pu, as if to see him reflected deep in his own gaze. “Lord Song, do I need to repeat myself? I am serious, so why do you always disbelieve me?”

Song Pu said, “Has Your Majesty not noticed? It is not that I do not believe, but that Your Majesty has never given me confidence. I cannot trust that Your Majesty is truly devoted. I am a man. Your Majesty previously said you liked women who obeyed. How could you truly be devoted to me? If Your Majesty truly loves me and considers me your beloved, why do you not listen to me?”

Tantai Yi paused. “Lord Song, are you still angry with me over that bear?”

Song Pu shook his head, almost sorrowfully. “Our thoughts are worlds apart. I have tried my best to understand Your Majesty, but have you ever tried to understand me? If we are to truly be together, could you accept the real me? I usually avoid these thoughts to spare myself sadness. I am not angry over a bear. I am angry that Your Majesty says you love me but never truly respects me. If you truly loved me, you would listen to my words and take them to heart. Like today, Your Majesty said I have the grace of an Empress, with guards and Eunuch Cao Xi present. Your words were heard, and Your Majesty does not feel shame, but I do. Does Your Majesty think that a man like me, subservient to another man, would gain a good reputation? Perhaps it is not important to you, but it pains me. If Your Majesty truly loves me, why not consider my feelings more?”

Tantai Yi clenched his fists, speaking lowly, “They are all my men. What shame is there for Lord Song? If you do not want others to know, I will deal with them all. Would that satisfy you?”

Song Pu: “…”

He truly did not know what to say.

Tantai Yi saw the disappointment in his eyes. He had seen this expression many times with the late emperor, and it had once pleased him. Now, seeing Lord Song look at him this way made his heart tighten. “…What does Lord Song want? If you do not tell me, how can I understand?”

Song Pu said nothing, and Tantai Yi softened his voice again. “Have I not been good enough to you? If anyone else dared treat me this way, I would not care. Only Lord Song, what do you truly want?”

Song Pu finally spoke, “I have said it before. Why cannot Your Majesty consider my feelings? You never care what I think, acting unilaterally. It is enough for you that your own words feel satisfying. You never consider my feelings. Your Majesty, is this your way of showing love? How can I trust it?”

Tantai Yi was silent for a while, then said, “How could I know which of my words would hurt Lord Song? Do you mean I should say nothing to you at all?”

Song Pu said, “Your Majesty, do not do to others what you would not have them do to you. What you do not want to do, others may not want to do; what you do not want to hear, others may not want to hear. Put yourself in my position. In the future, what you wish to say to me, say it to yourself first. If it seems improper, you need not speak it. Perhaps I would be happier. If you do speak it, though I may still smile, I will be deeply aggrieved. Thinking of it afterward, I will hide under the covers and cry.”

Tantai Yi remained silent for a while, then spoke. “I have learned my lesson. I will pay attention in the future. Is that satisfactory, Lord Song? Do not hold a grudge against me anymore.”

Song Pu said, “And regarding the mother bear today… I understand Your Majesty. The bear almost reached the Crown Prince, so it was understandable that you shot it. If blame exists, it is the Crown Prince who stole the cub. Even if Your Majesty was at fault, it was my own wilfulness. I wanted Your Majesty to listen and spare the bear. That was my stubborn belief that Your Majesty was wrong. Will you blame me?”

Tantai Yi said softly, “I was wrong. How could I blame Lord Song?”