Song Pu: “…”
Dog Emperor, knock your mother! Did you hear that? Knock your mother!
I’m a perfectly normal size for a man, alright?!
Perhaps realising he had wounded Song Pu’s pride, since such matters concerned a man’s dignity and even if he himself was exceptionally mighty he ought not belittle others for it, Tantai Yi said in a particularly cheerful tone, “Minister Song is still young. There is still room to grow. From seventeen until now, I myself have grown another inch and a half. Minister Song’s constitution is somewhat weak, and you do not exercise often, so you probably will not grow very much, but half an inch should still be possible.”
An inch was roughly three centimetres, so an inch and a half was about four and a half. Could someone really grow another four and a half centimetres after the age of seventeen?
Song Pu had no idea. That sort of thing probably depended on genetics. Tantai Yi had foreign blood in him and could be considered unusually gifted. No matter how much Song Pu grew, he could never reach Tantai Yi’s level. Could that even count as human?
This damned dog emperor only deserved inflatable dolls and sleeves. He’d better stop ruining women!
Countless furious commentaries flashed through Song Pu’s mind, yet his face remained as innocent and harmless as ever.
“Your Majesty speaks truly. However, it is not that this subject is small, but rather that Your Majesty is too mighty, almost beyond human. Naturally I cannot compare with Your Majesty. In truth, I believe that anyone standing before Your Majesty would appear particularly small by comparison.”
Tantai Yi could hardly conceal his satisfaction. “Indeed. Even without seeing it, I know I stand above the rest of the world.”
Song Pu: “…”
Look at how pleased you are with yourself.
Song Pu used a dry cloth to absorb the moisture from the ends of his hair, then fetched his clothes and helped him dress before turning to put on his own.
Tantai Yi did not leave either. He simply stood there watching him change.
“Minister Song is truly small and adorable.”
Anyone praised as small and adorable would regard it as a profound humiliation. Song Pu turned his back in shame, unable even to refute it, and could only reply awkwardly, “Your Majesty jests.”
Knock your mother!
He would never bathe with Tantai Yi again!
After they were dressed, Tantai Yi said, “Since Minister Song has already bathed, you may review the memorials on my behalf. There is nothing particularly difficult among them at present, so Minister Song should be able to manage. The Cabinet sends people to urge me every few days, and even my old tutor keeps remonstrating with me. I am quite tired of dealing with them.”
Song Pu hesitated before asking, “Then what will Your Majesty be doing?”
Tantai Yi replied cheerfully, “A new batch of tribute from the Southern Realm has arrived. I shall go and have a look.”
Song Pu: “…”
Tantai Yi departed happily, leaving Song Pu to do his homework.
Once he began writing he continued until evening. Tantai Yi still had not returned, and Song Pu could not leave, so he remained seated reading memorials.
After sitting for so long his stomach began to rumble. Growing somewhat impatient, he called to Cao Xi, who was waiting outside the hall.
“Eunuch Cao, when will His Majesty return?”
Cao Xi replied, “Please wait a moment, Lord Song. His Majesty is bathing and will be here shortly.”
Bathing again?
Song Pu rather suspected he had a touch of cleanliness obsession. He bathed two or three times a day, yet hardly seemed to sweat. He was always spotless and fragrant, a rather refined sort of boy.
Fortunately Tantai Yi did not keep him waiting long. It was obvious he was in an excellent mood, the corners of his lips curved in a constant smile, making him appear unusually amiable.
“Minister Song, I have come late,” Tantai Yi said gently.
Song Pu studied his expression. “May I ask what has put Your Majesty in such good spirits?”
Tantai Yi said, “Minister Song, I have brought you something.”
He reached into his sleeve and produced a sapphire.
The gem was astonishingly clear, deep blue like the ocean itself. It had clearly been carefully polished, about the size of a palm, and extraordinarily beautiful.
Song Pu was stunned. “This is…?”
Tantai Yi said, “Although the Southern Realm is small, it is rich in jade and mineral treasures. I have long coveted it. If it were not for the miasmic forests and marshlands surrounding it, it would already have become my territory three years ago. This gemstone is a rare treasure they sent as tribute. In all these years I have never seen a gem so magnificent.”
Song Pu stared so greedily he was almost drooling. “Is Your Majesty planning to bestow such a treasure upon me?”
Tantai Yi smiled. “Minister Song jests. What I intend to reward you with is this one.”
From his sleeve he produced another sapphire. Compared with the one in his hand it was much smaller, only about the size of a child’s fist, yet still extremely beautiful. The clarity and colour were extraordinary.
If it were placed in the modern world it would probably be worth tens of millions. Tantai Yi was casually giving him something equivalent to a luxury flat in Beijing.
Song Pu was instantly thrilled. He was beginning to taste the sweetness of being the emperor’s lackey. Who could possibly resist that?
The Duke’s household was wealthy, yet even his mother or grandmother might not possess gemstones of this quality for their jewellery. Could he really own one today?
Song Pu said excitedly, “This gemstone is crystal clear and dazzling, radiant with light, just like Your Majesty’s favour towards your subject. Does Your Majesty truly mean to grant it to me?”
Seeing him so excited, Tantai Yi could not help laughing. “When have I ever spoken falsely? Consider it a reward for Minister Song sitting here for half the day on my behalf.”
Song Pu said eagerly, “This subject is not tired at all. I can continue. From now on I am willing to review memorials for Your Majesty every day, freeing Your Majesty’s hands so that you may enjoy yourself!”
He was now clearly valuing money over life itself. All his earlier caution had long since vanished. His eyes were fixed upon the sapphire with almost tangible greed.
Tantai Yi found it somewhat novel. He had never seen Minister Song appear so greedy before. In another person it would likely have displeased him, but on Song Pu it had a faintly childlike charm.
After all, Minister Song was usually pitiful and adorable. Except for that time he called him a dog emperor.
The thought still bothered Tantai Yi slightly. Nevertheless he continued smiling. “In that case, this gemstone will remain with me for now. Once Minister Song has helped me review memorials for a year, I shall grant it to you.”
Song Pu: “…”
Why… why did he have to say anything?!
Damn it!
*
Song Pu left Chunhe Palace. Cao Xi was waiting outside and quickly approached with a smile. “Lord Song has worked hard. Allow this servant to escort you out of the palace.”
Although Cao Xi was the chief eunuch attending Tantai Yi, life under the emperor was extremely demanding, so he behaved cautiously. His attitude towards Song Pu was therefore excessively courteous.
Song Pu understood this perfectly. They were both pitiful people. Pitiful people huddling together for warmth made things a little warmer.
So he did not reject the goodwill. The two chatted amicably until they reached the palace gate.
Cao Xi said with a smile, “Lord Song, take care on your way home. This servant looks forward to Lord Song returning to attend His Majesty soon.”
Song Pu waved and climbed into his carriage.
When he arrived home he saw his second uncle, Song Zhiming, waiting outside the gate of his courtyard, clearly having come specifically to intercept him.
The moment he saw him, Song Zhiming’s breathing quickened and his voice rose sharply.
“Pu-ge’er, your uncle begs you. Go plead with His Majesty the Emperor and have my son released. Song Jian is your younger brother as well. How can you bear to let the Duke’s household become the laughing stock of a quarrel between brothers? Will that sound good when word spreads? You are a scholar, do you not care about your reputation? Do you know how many people are laughing at our household now? What of your other brothers? You are dragging down every brother and sister in this family. If you have any conscience at all, go at once and beg His Majesty to release my son!”
Before Song Pu could reply, Duke Song and Song Lingyun hurried over together and seized Song Zhiming.
Duke Song said sternly, “Second brother, stop harassing him. I have already humbled myself and pleaded with His Majesty. The emperor’s word is law. Do you think he can simply release someone because you demand it?”
Song Zhiming shouted angrily, “The second branch and the main branch share the same fortunes. Elder brother, how can you be so foolish and useless? You cannot even protect your own nephew. Leaving the Duke’s household in your hands was a grave mistake!”
Duke Song’s patience snapped. He gave Song Lingyun a look.
Song Lingyun immediately understood. Raising his hand, he struck the back of Song Zhiming’s neck with a swift chop, knocking him unconscious. Afterwards he even kicked him coldly.
Duke Song saw it and pretended not to notice, turning his head aside. “…Why are you so late today?”
Song Pu replied, “I was accompanying His Majesty at play and lost track of time.”
Duke Song: “…I see.”
After speaking with Song Pu a little longer, Duke Song had the servants carry Song Zhiming away. Song Lingyun followed behind.
They had not gone far when Song Pu called out, “Ge, wait. I have something to say.”
Duke Song, who was always somewhat absent-minded and unaware the brothers had quarrelled, said to Song Lingyun, “You are on leave today. Spend some time with your brother.”
Having said that, he left with the guards without waiting for a reply.
Song Lingyun could only stop where he stood, glancing at Song Pu from afar before looking away again.
Song Pu hurried over with small running steps and called out ingratiatingly, “Ge, you look especially handsome today, truly distinguished and imposing. I imagine you must have charmed every young lady along the street again.”
Song Lingyun kept his face stiff. His tone was not particularly friendly. “Don’t say such things to me. That won’t work on me.”
Song Pu patted his back. “Don’t be angry. When you’re angry I feel miserable as well. These past two weeks haven’t been easy for me either. We’re brothers. Brothers don’t hold grudges overnight, do they? There’s no need for it, right?”
Song Lingyun’s expression softened slightly, though he still said nothing. Once Duke Song’s figure had disappeared, he resumed walking.
Song Pu hurried after him, chattering nonstop. “I know you’re angry, and I know I was wrong. Terribly wrong. I failed my brother’s efforts and expectations. I’m not even human. I’m heartless, ungrateful…”
Song Lingyun suddenly turned and glared at him. The look was so sharp it startled Song Pu.
Then, at last, he spoke. “Don’t curse yourself.”
Song Pu’s heart softened at once. How could anyone have such a doting elder brother? A soft, ingratiating smile spread across his face. “Ge dotes on me terribly. I’m sure he wouldn’t want me to suffer even the slightest hardship. If I could earn even a single smile from you, ge, then whatever bitterness I carry in my heart would surely vanish.”
Song Lingyun stopped walking and looked at him.
Song Pu tilted his face up at him, still wearing that flattering, faintly radiant smile. “Ge.”
Song Lingyun gave a soft snort of laughter before saying, “Will that do?”
Song Pu brightened in delight. “Ge, you really did smile!”
Song Lingyun said, “What bitterness is in your heart? How did His Majesty torment you today?”
Seeing the heaviness in his gaze, with a hint of anger flickering beneath it, Song Pu hurried to explain, “His Majesty didn’t really torment me today. I merely spoke out of turn and brought trouble upon myself.”
Song Lingyun said, “If there is bitterness in your heart, then you must have been wronged. Why bother defending it?”
There was only one person in the world who could make his younger brother suffer such grievance. That man must have done something excessive again. At the thought, Song Lingyun’s expression darkened once more.
Song Pu said quickly, “His Majesty plans to reward me with a gemstone today! Ge, it’s a sapphire. Blue! This big!”
He made a circle with his thumb and forefinger. “Do you know how valuable a stone like that is?”
Song Lingyun replied, “You’ve read so many sage texts you’ve gone dull. A gem of that size is hardly rare. If you wanted one, I could easily find it for you. Why make such a fuss?”
Song Pu said, “Because it’s a reward from His Majesty. Oh, actually, it hasn’t been granted yet. I still have to work hard for a while longer. But look, ge. His Majesty sees how hard I work. His Majesty is truly benevolent. Being able to serve at his side is a blessing cultivated over three lifetimes.”
Song Lingyun’s brows knitted, and he abruptly turned and walked away. “Ge—!”
This time Song Lingyun did not give him another chance to coax him. His steps were so swift that he disappeared in moments. Song Pu couldn’t catch up even if he tried.
Song Pu let out a breath and muttered to himself, “I’m really not human.”
